Blogger: Love Thyself

Finally. A new post. I haven't blogged in a week and I should be writing my FNL recap, but I just need to write something.

Here's the deal with me (for the three of you reading this that aren't relatives): If something doesn't happen exactly as I think it should, I consider it a great tragedy that can never be made right. I haven't blogged since Saturday, therefore I should just shutter Back to Me and stop writing. But, here's the thing, I am becoming more self-aware as I get older. Isn't that exciting! And I realize that I have some good reasons that I haven't written all week. Also, I went to my blog and looked at the little list over there on the right, expecting to see the amount of blogging done per week getting smaller and smaller, which it is, but I also discovered that I blogged three times last week! That's on par with my resolution goal. And the week that I only had one entry, was the week I did my Top 10 list which was like writing 5 blogs. So, I'm ok. It's ok. This week was a blip. A pitfall. My blog will go on! Rejoice with me! Or just hang tight for my list of excuses reasons for missing a whole week of blogging.

• Everyone in my house has been sick and coughing. Mimi missed a day of school, so I missed my Starbucks Writing Time® and then I got sick and I just couldn't muster the energy.

• All of those Notes on Facebook take a lot of time.*

• Watching funny videos from Ellen. A good belly laugh should never be missed.

• Figuring out Lost. This could be a full-time job.

• Discovering strange play lists in my iTunes. I searched 'Lady' in my library and ended up with this list:
Lady by Regina Spektor
Just Dance by Lady GaGa
Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilera
The Old Laughing Lady by Neil Young
Luck Be A Lady by Frank Sinatra
The Lady Is A Tramp by Frank Sinatra

• Coming to grips with Tatiana Del Toro making the final 36 on Idol killed a couple days.

• Violet's new school schedule hasn't opened up the writing opportunities I thought it would. It's hard to get settled once I drop her off and it's not as much time as I thought it would be. Also, it's made my life busier, which isn't conducive to the quiet time the inspiration for this blog requires.

• Oh, the inspiration it requires. Seriously, I do find that I'm at a bit of a loss about what to write. I have a list of product reviews I want to do, but they don't really get my creative juices flowing. I wouldn't mind the blog being strictly TV recaps, but that requires more time than I have. I clearly love to blog about myself, but, well, the world doesn't need anymore of that. In the course of writing these last six weeks, all sort of issues have crossed my mind, like the work/mom balance for one. It's been written about far more elegantly than I could ever do it, but perhaps I need to take on some longer term writing goals about these sorts of issues and throw them up here once they are done. It's something. And something is the goal.

What do you think?

Coming soon in blogging: The same stuff that was coming soon last Saturday.

* One of those notes, Scattergories, lead to a very funny back and forth in the comments section with my siblings. It was in real time and it felt like we were sitting around the living room. Sweet, comfortable, crude, silly, out of bounds, old times. It was good.

Squeezing My Mind Grapes

One week ago I laid out my resolutions and I think it's time to check-in, because I know at least 8 of you can't wait to find out. (Speaking of that, I want to give a mini, inter-blog, shout out to my Jersey contingent. Thanks for reading! Heck, thanks to all of you.)

1) Write at least 3x a week. This is my seventh post since January 5th, so I am definitely kicking that resolution's ass. That said, it's really hard. Not peace in Darfur hard, but the reasons that kept me from writing for so long haven't gone away. I still have to take care of my kids, cook dinner, do laundry, check Facebook (seriously, I do), go to the gym, run errands, see friends. That's a full day. Now, I realize there are 8 million working poor in this country, who often have to choose between food and rent, who are often uninsured. I know how fortunate I am. But, I can only live my own experience and I don't like putting my kids in front of the TV so I can write.* I don't mind putting them in front of the TV so I can have some peace and quiet, but that's a blog for another time. The writing itself is hard too. I'm constantly questioning what I've written. Reading it over and over again. I am alternately satisfied and mortified, but I keep on. The feeling of euphoria I get from writing, especially if I think it's good, but even if it is bad, extends to everything else in my life. It's as if I've opened up a part of my brain that had been asleep. Anyway, it's a good thing.

2) Send one pitch a month to some sort of magazine about something. I have not done this yet, but the month ain't over yet. (I have been notoriously bad at this, hence my flourishing non-existent freelance career, so we shall see.)

3) Do 20 squats and 20 lunges everyday. Nope. And I actually don't care. I go to the gym and walk all over creation with 60 lbs. of kids packed into a 20 lb. stroller - that's 80 lbs. for you English majors - isn't that enough? I might revisit this resolution when we get a little closer to bathing suit season.

4) Cook more vegetarian meals. I made a very tasty salad with manchego cheese, oranges, butter lettuce, sunflower seeds and homemade vinaigrette, from Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything Vegetarian. It's just a salad, but it's a start. I made a pasta dish and a lentil dish that could have been vegetarian and threw meat into them, does that count?

My sub-resolution to cook more and meal plan is going well. I've cooked 7 out of the last 9 days. We had a house guest the two days we ate out. She graciously ate my chicken chili on Friday, but why should she suffer because of my complex grid of resolutions, co-resolutions and amended resolutions, so out we went. And it was so good. My April plan to not eat out for a month is going to really suck.

5) Learn HTML. So far I've only learned how do strikethroughs.

6) Do more crafty stuff and baking with the kids. We took them to MoMA, where they got much, much too close to the artwork and made clever and funny observations.

Me: How do you think Jackson Pollock held the brush to get the paint on the canvas like that?

Mimi: Just like a regular old man, Mom.

We are going to bake cookies today. The rest of the time they have been watching TV and playing dress-up so I can write. There is a reason that the children of writers, pen their own scathing memoirs as adults. I promise to do what I can to make that memoir interesting.

7) Learn to knit and sleep more. I just added these, so they don't count yet.

Don't worry I won't be tallying my accomplishments weekly. Maybe monthly.

Tomorrow: Another product review. Oh, the anticipation.

* I'm writing at Starbucks today, while the girls hang with Adam. Bliss.

• photo by studiosaynuk