Blogger: Love Thyself

Finally. A new post. I haven't blogged in a week and I should be writing my FNL recap, but I just need to write something.

Here's the deal with me (for the three of you reading this that aren't relatives): If something doesn't happen exactly as I think it should, I consider it a great tragedy that can never be made right. I haven't blogged since Saturday, therefore I should just shutter Back to Me and stop writing. But, here's the thing, I am becoming more self-aware as I get older. Isn't that exciting! And I realize that I have some good reasons that I haven't written all week. Also, I went to my blog and looked at the little list over there on the right, expecting to see the amount of blogging done per week getting smaller and smaller, which it is, but I also discovered that I blogged three times last week! That's on par with my resolution goal. And the week that I only had one entry, was the week I did my Top 10 list which was like writing 5 blogs. So, I'm ok. It's ok. This week was a blip. A pitfall. My blog will go on! Rejoice with me! Or just hang tight for my list of excuses reasons for missing a whole week of blogging.

• Everyone in my house has been sick and coughing. Mimi missed a day of school, so I missed my Starbucks Writing Time® and then I got sick and I just couldn't muster the energy.

• All of those Notes on Facebook take a lot of time.*

• Watching funny videos from Ellen. A good belly laugh should never be missed.

• Figuring out Lost. This could be a full-time job.

• Discovering strange play lists in my iTunes. I searched 'Lady' in my library and ended up with this list:
Lady by Regina Spektor
Just Dance by Lady GaGa
Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilera
The Old Laughing Lady by Neil Young
Luck Be A Lady by Frank Sinatra
The Lady Is A Tramp by Frank Sinatra

• Coming to grips with Tatiana Del Toro making the final 36 on Idol killed a couple days.

• Violet's new school schedule hasn't opened up the writing opportunities I thought it would. It's hard to get settled once I drop her off and it's not as much time as I thought it would be. Also, it's made my life busier, which isn't conducive to the quiet time the inspiration for this blog requires.

• Oh, the inspiration it requires. Seriously, I do find that I'm at a bit of a loss about what to write. I have a list of product reviews I want to do, but they don't really get my creative juices flowing. I wouldn't mind the blog being strictly TV recaps, but that requires more time than I have. I clearly love to blog about myself, but, well, the world doesn't need anymore of that. In the course of writing these last six weeks, all sort of issues have crossed my mind, like the work/mom balance for one. It's been written about far more elegantly than I could ever do it, but perhaps I need to take on some longer term writing goals about these sorts of issues and throw them up here once they are done. It's something. And something is the goal.

What do you think?

Coming soon in blogging: The same stuff that was coming soon last Saturday.

* One of those notes, Scattergories, lead to a very funny back and forth in the comments section with my siblings. It was in real time and it felt like we were sitting around the living room. Sweet, comfortable, crude, silly, out of bounds, old times. It was good.

Squeezing My Mind Grapes

One week ago I laid out my resolutions and I think it's time to check-in, because I know at least 8 of you can't wait to find out. (Speaking of that, I want to give a mini, inter-blog, shout out to my Jersey contingent. Thanks for reading! Heck, thanks to all of you.)

1) Write at least 3x a week. This is my seventh post since January 5th, so I am definitely kicking that resolution's ass. That said, it's really hard. Not peace in Darfur hard, but the reasons that kept me from writing for so long haven't gone away. I still have to take care of my kids, cook dinner, do laundry, check Facebook (seriously, I do), go to the gym, run errands, see friends. That's a full day. Now, I realize there are 8 million working poor in this country, who often have to choose between food and rent, who are often uninsured. I know how fortunate I am. But, I can only live my own experience and I don't like putting my kids in front of the TV so I can write.* I don't mind putting them in front of the TV so I can have some peace and quiet, but that's a blog for another time. The writing itself is hard too. I'm constantly questioning what I've written. Reading it over and over again. I am alternately satisfied and mortified, but I keep on. The feeling of euphoria I get from writing, especially if I think it's good, but even if it is bad, extends to everything else in my life. It's as if I've opened up a part of my brain that had been asleep. Anyway, it's a good thing.

2) Send one pitch a month to some sort of magazine about something. I have not done this yet, but the month ain't over yet. (I have been notoriously bad at this, hence my flourishing non-existent freelance career, so we shall see.)

3) Do 20 squats and 20 lunges everyday. Nope. And I actually don't care. I go to the gym and walk all over creation with 60 lbs. of kids packed into a 20 lb. stroller - that's 80 lbs. for you English majors - isn't that enough? I might revisit this resolution when we get a little closer to bathing suit season.

4) Cook more vegetarian meals. I made a very tasty salad with manchego cheese, oranges, butter lettuce, sunflower seeds and homemade vinaigrette, from Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything Vegetarian. It's just a salad, but it's a start. I made a pasta dish and a lentil dish that could have been vegetarian and threw meat into them, does that count?

My sub-resolution to cook more and meal plan is going well. I've cooked 7 out of the last 9 days. We had a house guest the two days we ate out. She graciously ate my chicken chili on Friday, but why should she suffer because of my complex grid of resolutions, co-resolutions and amended resolutions, so out we went. And it was so good. My April plan to not eat out for a month is going to really suck.

5) Learn HTML. So far I've only learned how do strikethroughs.

6) Do more crafty stuff and baking with the kids. We took them to MoMA, where they got much, much too close to the artwork and made clever and funny observations.

Me: How do you think Jackson Pollock held the brush to get the paint on the canvas like that?

Mimi: Just like a regular old man, Mom.

We are going to bake cookies today. The rest of the time they have been watching TV and playing dress-up so I can write. There is a reason that the children of writers, pen their own scathing memoirs as adults. I promise to do what I can to make that memoir interesting.

7) Learn to knit and sleep more. I just added these, so they don't count yet.

Don't worry I won't be tallying my accomplishments weekly. Maybe monthly.

Tomorrow: Another product review. Oh, the anticipation.

* I'm writing at Starbucks today, while the girls hang with Adam. Bliss.

• photo by studiosaynuk

Bluck You

Seriously, why did I think I could focus on Gossip Girl while Mimi and Violet were still awake and fighting over who got to have the 3-inch Cinderella figurine in bed with them. Oh, they were supposed to be asleep, but they were not. Even with the power of the pause button (thank you DVR), I'm not sure I caught everything, so feel free to berate me if I leave out some juicy bit.

Maybe it was the constant interruptions, or my extreme fatigue last night,* but I found this episode kind of dull, although Adam pointed out that a lot was revealed. Interesting that 'he who does not watch Gossip Girl,' not only noticed that things were revealed, but seemed pleased. He's needs to own up and embrace his inner Dan Humphrey. He totally brown bagged it in private school.**

Anyway, yes, much was revealed, but it was very soap opera. Plus, Rufus' hair was bad. Not Jenny homicide-inducing bad, but the wispy bangs aren't a good look for him. I used to love the parents, because they are just a wee bit closer to my age than the teenagers and pre-wisps Rufus had a hot-dad, grunge thing going on. (I go for that these days.) But the whole adoption thing has ruined the hot parent thing.

Is it me or did Lily seem kind of pleased that the kid was dead? I found it pretty predictable that he isn't actually dead, but I am curious to see how it plays out. Just please let him not look or act at all like Aaron. What was with Lily's weird speech outside Rufus' door? Was she breaking up with him? Apparently not, since they are all going to be one big happy-ish family: Dan Humphrey, his girlfriend Serena, Eric and his hag Jenny. I'm excited for their Christmas card.

Don't you love that throughout the course of Lily and Rufus' trip to Boston their kids couldn't reach them, and they didn't call to check on them and the kids basically had to sort out all of their feelings about the love child BY THEMSELVES!? Not to mention the fact that it was revealed by Gossip Girl. And, ew, they don't share DNA.

I know some bloggers are rocking the mean girls, but I'm not. I don't know why. (Oddly enough, I love the mini-meanies. Very cute.) Maybe my dislike is really my fear that someday my girls are going to be on the wrong side of a group of girls who have the moral compass of Bernie Madoff. Or worse that they will be one! I know Blair is a mean girl and I love her, but we've seen her gooey, Chuck-loving, bulimic center. We know she's more than the bitch on the steps.

I'm also not sure if I believe that Nelly Yuki would have stolen Dan Humphrey's phone and spilled that level of dish. I see her more as a hanger on, than an actual sociopath like her 'friends.' I realize that Blair and her minions' machinations do keep the show moving and they often have the best lines, so I suppose I will shake off my real life woes and tolerate what must be.

Speaking of 'friends,' Blair and Chuck aren't even that anymore. After spending the entire episode in his tiny, tiny suit and lady's trench, Chuck took his sad eyes up Blair's elevator and was dismissed. Big time. And it's hard to argue with her logic. Whores, pills, public embarrassment, and the word 'wife' spit at you like bile, can make a girl pack it in. Really Bluck fans, none of you want a weak Blair and that's where she was headed if she took Chuck back, even though they weren't together together. They sure do have crackling chemistry though and are, I would argue, the best actors on the show.

(How HOT was Blair's dress for their non-romantic/romantic, didn't happen dinner? Blake Lively might be on the cover of Vogue this month, but Leighton Meester is a real beaut.)

There was some other stuff in this episode too. Chuck the Teenager was given control of his father's jabillion dollar company and then lost it to his conniving uncle, because of the aforementioned whores, drugs, etc. There was a fake-out last week that something had happened with Blair and Uncle Jack, but apparently that got dropped. For now anyway. Oh, and Vanessa and Nate had some sort of anniversary, for which coffee and candy is given. They are scintillating.

Next week it looks like Blair is back to being Queen Bee, and this time she's taking on teacher.

As for me, I forgot how hard it is to write and do anything else! This recap took me forever. More on that tomorrow. xoxo

* One of my resolutions was to get more sleep! I forgot to add it to my earlier list. Now I'm putting it out there, so I have to do it. Another one I forgot was learning to knit.

** He was a pb&J guy and as far I know never landed himself a Serena Van Der Woodsen.

I Resolve to be Resolute

I started off this blog talking about the self-improvement kick I have been on lately in order to clear out the cobwebs and make room in my life and head-space for writing and other endeavors. So far so good. The 7 days of 2009 have been productive ones. I started my blog; Violet got dressed seven times without having an hour-long meltdown and standing in the snow barefoot; I applied to be a volunteer at Tribeca Film Festival* and I returned to the gym after weeks of gluttony and napping. Still, there is more to be done and what better way to hold myself accountable than telling the 12 of you reading this, my resolutions for 2009. 

1) Write at least 3x a week. Today is my third time writing this week, so this is a manageable goal. 

2) Send one pitch a month to some sort of magazine about something. This one is a little vague and could use some work.

3)  Do 20 squats and 20 lunges everyday. I know it's not much, but the odds of me even doing this are slim, so starting small is good. I actually made this resolution 7 days ago and have done 0 squats and lunges everyday. 

4) With Mark Bittman's new cookbook, Food Matters, serving as inspiration, and to be both frugal and healthy — I want to cook more vegetarian meals. This is counter to Adam's resolution at birth to eat meat with every meal, so we will see how it goes. 

4a) Cook more.

4b) Plan the week's menu every Sunday and try to use what is in the freezer.

4c) Go an entire month without eating out or ordering in or buying any food other than groceries and Starbucks (I have to live!). I think April is the designated month. It should be an interesting failure experiment, to write about. 

5) Learn HTML. Adam promises to teach me. This might be like when my dad tried to 'teach' my mom to drive.**

6) Do more crafty stuff and baking with the kids. Winter-behavior has already started (mine, no mine, mine, no mine, MINE, MIIIIIIIIIINE, MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE), and I want them to live to see spring. 

That's it. I'm counting on the hounding of my 5s of readers to keep me on track. 

Tomorrow: My first product review. Can you stand the wait?

* I was put on the wait list before I even filled out the application. Stupid me should have applied months ago. Next year, I will know better. I'm now looking around for other similar volunteer opportunities. 

** My grandmother ended up teaching my mom to drive.